“If only my spouse/child/parent/boss would change…”
To focus our attention on what we can’t control produces suffering.
You and I have limited resources. We have finite time, energy and attention. When we expend those resources on what is beyond our control, suffering ensues. That suffering is a sign. It means we’re out of balance with the natural order of things. It means we’re not harnessing our limited resources towards doing what we can do because we’ve opted to focus on what we cannot do.
I cannot make you change. But I can change me. Often, that’s enough to ease my suffering.
Every week, I meet with courageous people in the therapy room. People from all walks of life who are struggling to overcome challenges impeding them from becoming their best selves. Too many have been the victims of unspeakable abuse, neglect, or crimes they did nothing to merit. For these folks, empowerment comes from the paradoxical truth that although what happened to them long ago was not their fault, today they have the moral responsibility to assume ownership over the effects of their earlier trauma. Then, no longer are they passive victims, but can begin to forge a new meaning from their experiences and chart a new path of their choosing.
What happened to me yesterday may not have been my fault. What do I do with today is my responsibility.
Learn more about speaker Dr. Joel Núñez, check out campuspeak.com/nunez.